173 W Santa Clara St. (Downtown) San Jose, CA 408-278-1400
Food: Guiness served up right, watery soup and "moderatly ok" wings
Price: FREE OF CHARGE
Want some free food and drink? Head over to Britannia Arms in San Jose during happy hour. Order up a Guiness and perhaps a bowl of soup then relax and watch some sports on the telly. Although not my favorite place, I stopped by there today becuase...ah what the hell...I needed a Guiness!
Anyway... Here's how to get some free food: If you are still hungry, flag down the waiter and ask him for some wings. Oh, you missed the fact that the restaurant has a tub of free wings tucked away to the left of the door when you walk in? No matter, the waiter won't mention it to you.
As you are casually munching on your wings, you notice that everyone else is also eating wings. In fact it is at this time that you notice the tub of wings near the door. You walk over to check it out. Indeed there is a tub of wings by the door. Walk back to the table and flag down your waiter:
Scottie: "Are you guys having a happy hour or something? I noticed free wings by the door."
Waiter: "Yes. We do have free wings."
Scottie: "Do you think it is kind of weird that I ordered wings?"
Waiter: "Well, yes."
Scottie: "Are you going to charge me for the wings?"
Waiter: "Well I have to. You ordered them."
Man from next table: "Maybe you should have told him that it was happy hour."
Waiter: [backing away] "Can I get you anything else?"
Scottie: "You can either get me my wings for free, or you can have the manager speak to me."
Manager: [voice booms in from a distance] "If you want to talk to me, you can come over here."
Scottie: [Doesn't get up - contines to eat wings.]
Manager: [Walks over.] "You ordered these wings."
Scottie: "Yes I know but..."
Man from next table: "The waiter should have told him it was free wing night."
Manager: "There's a sign by the door. He was sitting here for an hour."
Scottie: "I didn't see the sign. Don't you think it's weird that I ordered wings when you are giving them away for free? Why didn't anyone tell me?"
Manager: "Look what do you want? Do you want me to give it to you for free."
Scottie: "Yes. I will gladly pay for my drink and soup. I was enjoying it."
Manager: "No way. You can pay for all of it."
Scottie: "I think you are making a mistake. I am going to walk out of here very upset. I'm going to tell everyone I know; I'm going to write about this in the paper."
Manager: "I don't care what you do. I don't like your attitude."
Scottie: "You are giving away free fucking wings over there and you are going to make me pay for these? That is fucked up."
Manager: [takes Scottie's plate away, takes the wing from Scottie's hand - luckily Scottie had already finished his Guiness!] "You know what, you don't have to pay for anything. I don't like your language. You can get out of my restaurant."
Scottie's thinks to himself. "Well better get out while the goin's good!"
Grabs coat and cell phone.
Scottie: [to man at next table] "That was pretty weird, eh!?!"